I saw him the first time after 5 days.. it didn't take 10 minutes and i started crying again. I hate myself for that. I hate crying in front of him, it makes me weak and voulnerable. I had so much to talk and so many questions but I could't ask even half of it. My mouth was dry and everytime he looked at me, I cried again.

He told me he wants to try to love me again, that I'm not worth giving up. I don't know what to think because he gave me no reason for the Change of his Feelings. He said he's sure that we can work it out, if we both try. What did I do wrong? Why do I have to work on our relationship which I think was great?!  

Furthermore I don't know if I can handle seeing him next time. I'm anxious that I will cry again but a break would be the last Thing I want right now..! For now, I have to clear my head and distract myself with work..


11.8.13 01:19, kommentieren


a great day turns into a nightmare

I can't take it anymore.. today should be one of the greatest and rememberable days of my life: My first day at my very first Job. I was so excited and all the People welcomed me warm-hearted. I felf save and good and all my fear was gone. All my associates are so nice and I belive the two years of my education are going to be great.

 So, in the evening when my first day was over, my boyfriend came over and I reported him the things I experienced and learned today. We're together since 7 months and it's been a great relationship. At least I thought so. Well, he told me that his Feelings for me have changed and that most of the love he had for me is gone..

I could't believe what he just said and started crying.. how can he do this to me? Damn, I love this guy! He said our relationship feels more like a friendship, that we''re doing the same things everytime we see each other and if we're Keep doing it this way it feels like a friendship and he can't do it anymore. In other words, if we (or I) won't Change something, he will break up.

He also said he doesn't want to break up with me and he will try to work it out, that he WILL TRY TO LOVE ME MORE AGAIN. I don't know what to think of that..

Right now I'm lying on my bed, devastated and Feeling empty. I still have hope that things will work out between us.. but you'll never know what the future will bring.



5.8.13 22:27, kommentieren